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The things that frustrate us the most in others are often our own biggest weaknesses or fears

Repeatedly throughout my life, when I’ve met someone who had a particularly pronounced intolerance, for example against hypocrites or procrastinators or conceited personalities, it would turn out that one of that person’s own greatest character flaws would be that exact thing.

I don’t know why there is a connection but I’m certain that there is a connection, and being aware of it can help in navigating relationships. If someone I do not know well expresses a personality or cultural annoyance, I recognize that they are likely to exhibit this same behavior at a later time and can prepare for it.

Similarly, if I find myself becoming frustrated or annoyed by someone else’s character flaw, I first ask myself if it’s my own weakness in that area that is frustrating me, or something close to it. In those cases, sometimes by determining how to improve myself I can improve life for the other person as well.

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If you’re going to say something, first understand what you’re trying to accomplish

It’s easy to speak without thinking, leading to unintended consequences. Before you release words into the world and into other people’s ears, consider what you want them to accomplish. If you want to change another person’s mind, or to help them understand something, or to elicit sympathy then stop to consider if what you’re about to say actually will accomplish that or if you should tailor your communication.

Conversely, sometimes speaking is more about releasing something that is bottled up inside of you and less about having a specific impact on another person. If that is the case, consider if you want to do that next to someone whose relationship you value, or somewhere else, possibly alone.